well, actually that may be Canada
...and we'll probably stay here. At least for Mother's Day. For months, I've had big plans for that weekend in May. I promised myself we would go away for two days. Away from the chores and endless, mindless cooking, cleaning, clutter and errands. Actually, I think I have fantasized about a getaway for a year now.
Mother's Day 2009 was not enjoyable. It should have been, of course. I had two beautiful sons. But I was nursing one around the clock and chasing the other while helping him adjust to no longer being an only child. I was exhausted, depleted on both a physical and emotional level. After Liam was born, with one notable exception, I had no help. It was an incredibly lonely time. Especially the first six to eight weeks after his birth. Aside from taking Henry to the clinic for stitches one day, we never left the house. My only adult company came from the voices of NPR. I left the radio on for hours with the volume at barely a whisper so as not to wake the baby.
By May, the isolation had taken it's toll. So had the 'round the clock caretaking and meal preparation. Because I was nursing, I was always hungry. Because I was on unpaid maternity leave, I had no choice but to make all our meals from scratch. I was really looking forward to a break. But wait, I'm a single mother. There is no one to recognize my role or give me respite. So Mother's Day came and went like all the rest of the days that spring.
Of course, the boys are too young to recognize the day. And if they were old enough, I wouldn't want them to spend any money on me. I do what I do for them out of love. They're my blessings. Sometimes I just wish there were another person in my life who cared about what I do day in and day out. Really saw me. Since that's not going to happen, I decided that this year I'd take care of myself; if only for two days. I'd pack up the boys and go away for an entire weekend. Far from the dishes, vacuuming and grocery shopping. Somewhere that didn't have a stove or a washing machine.
I found the perfect place. A kid-friendly resort about fifty miles from home. Perfect, except the cost. By my calculations, two nights lodging and food would cost around $450. I don't think I can justify dipping that far into my savings for a 48 hour getaway. There are cheaper options but none that I am comfortable with. Traveling alone with two little ones, I must consider our safety above all else.
I'm afraid that if I did spend that kind of money, I wouldn't enjoy myself after all. The worry that we'd return home to a broken appliance or some other expensive bill would plague me all weekend. Reluctantly, I've shelved the idea of a Mother's Day Weekend. I may still take the boys on a day trip to the zoo.
And there's always next year, right?