August 22, 2010

Back to School

Ever since Henry was born I have gotten a major headache a week or so before school starts (ie, the return to my full time teaching position).  I rarely get headaches otherwise.  These are terrible and make me just want to lie down for days.  Which is precisely what I can't do at this time of year.

August is the quickest month.  One moment I'm strategically planning for the remaining three weeks of vacation, the next I'm laying out a week's worth of school clothes for the three of us.  We packed in a lot of fun this summer, but that doesn't make it any easier to leave my boys.  They will be in daycare for nine hours a day, five days a week.  I'll miss them so much.

I am well aware that I have one of the only full time jobs that allows me to have this much time at home with my children.  I am beyond thankful to have this and other benefits.  Yes, advocating and navigating the system for children with special needs is stressful.  I often can't tell if I've made one bit of difference in the students' lives.  The salary of a public school teacher is not exactly stellar.  But I am employed and because of that, my boys have everything they need.  I am truly grateful--but like many moms, I wish I could have it both ways.

When I went back to work after H was born, I had to keep telling myself, "I'm still his mom.  I'm still his mom."  That mantra helped a bit.  Even though I'm leaving them for the day, our relationship is not changing.  I may not be a SAHM anymore, but I'm still their mom.  I'm still their mom.


  1. Oh Lara!! I feel for you!!! It is so hard to leave them everyday isn't it? It has yet to get easier for me. I wish you peace as this week starts!! Also, one of my sisters teaches special needs children...what yall do is amazing!

  2. Arghh... I'm on the daycare hunt right now for when I return to work in November. And its going to be soooo hard to leave her. I imagine it just doesn't ever get easy.

  3. Hang in there. All the time away from your boys will only make you appreciate your time WITH them even more. And you'll still have your weekends. :)

  4. It'a a tough transition. I hope the boys have such a great time at day care that when they happily hug you at the end of the day, you get the reassurance they were doing well while you were away and SO happy to see you at the end of a great day. Maybe that makes for less anxiety for you?
    I hope so!

  5. Changes are always hard, but your kids will be fine, they are better than we think they could be. We are the ones who worry and in the end, they have so much fun that we cannot believe they can enjoy their time without us!

  6. This is a battle I have with myself quite often. Some days I'm glad they have a place to go where they'll learn and see their friends. Other days I feel terrible guilt that I'm not able to be there, myself, to teach them and be with them. It's a struggle we likely won't be without, but from it, we'll develop the tools to make our time with them that much more special.
    {{HUGS}} Good luck with the first week back to school.

  7. I did this three weeks ago, so a big hug to you.

    When I took on an increased teaching load last spring semester, I had the guilt about the increased time in daycare for mine. Then I realized that there are things she needs that I can't give her. She needs time with her peer group, she needs time outside (I usually don't like being outside), etc.

    It takes a village. You put the best village around your child(ren) and then you step back and tell yourself it is good (enough).

    And that sounds great, but then there are still tears (mine and hers).

    You're still their mom, always will be, no matter what.

  8. You are so never gets easier, does it? Yes, we are still the mom, but it feels like we are being pulled in so many different directions once school starts, doesn't it? I wish summer would linger on just a bit longer......

    Thanks for checking in on our blog!