I've got 'em. I can't seem to shake them and I actually think they are getting worse. I spent much of the 26th crying while helping the boys play with all the fun stuff Santa brought. For the most part the boys do not notice my tears (thank goodness) they just keep ramming their remote control vehicles into the wall or each other. Their new jumpy house was a big hit even though the base has a leak and Liam has figured out how to open the ports and let even more air out. (It's a two step, two-handed job and he just smiles at me while he's deflating the thing.)
I'm not sure why I am so down. For the first time, Christmas was everything I hoped and planned for. It just went by so fast. This was the year Henry was ready to comprehend Santa Claus. We spent many a day talking about him, making the house just right for his visit. Santa came, ate cookies, took the carrots for the reindeer and left the gifts Henry was hoping for. And then it was over.
Next year will be different because Henry will have expectations--this year was all bliss and awe.
Both boys are changing so fast. I look at them and want to stop time. And I know I can't, so here come the tears. I'm even having trouble sleeping. I wake several times, filled with anxious thoughts and a full blown panic attack just under the surface. So far I've been able to keep that at bay as well as keep my strong, sad emotions from affecting the boys.
All I can think about is how next year will be different. The boys will be older and maybe we'll be less close. Will Liam still want to sit on my lap with his green blanket and watch Elmo? Will both my dogs still be with us? Will I still have friends and family dropping by?
I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, that post-holiday blues are common. But this is day three of the tears and I know with all the blessings in my home, I have nothing to cry about. Telling myself to be grateful (oh, I am, I am!), to enjoy the moments and feeling guilty for the tears running down my face is not helping. Even the leftover cookies are not helping. Hugs from the boys help and I will cling to them as long as they'll let me. Because this too shall pass.