December 28, 2010

After Christmas Blues

I've got 'em.  I can't seem to shake them and I actually think they are getting worse.  I spent much of the 26th crying while helping the boys play with all the fun stuff Santa brought.  For the most part the boys do not notice my tears (thank goodness) they just keep ramming their remote control vehicles into the wall or each other.  Their new jumpy house was a big hit even though the base has a leak and Liam has figured out how to open the ports and let even more air out.  (It's a two step, two-handed job and he just smiles at me while he's deflating the thing.)

I'm not sure why I am so down.  For the first time, Christmas was everything I hoped and planned for.  It just went by so fast.  This was the year Henry was ready to comprehend Santa Claus.  We spent many a day talking about him, making the house just right for his visit.  Santa came, ate cookies, took the carrots for the reindeer and left the gifts Henry was hoping for.  And then it was over.

Next year will be different because Henry will have expectations--this year was all bliss and awe.

Both boys are changing so fast.  I look at them and want to stop time.  And I know I can't, so here come the tears.  I'm even having trouble sleeping.  I wake several times, filled with anxious thoughts and a full blown panic attack just under the surface. So far I've been able to keep that at bay as well as keep my strong, sad emotions from affecting the boys.

All I can think about is how next year will be different.  The boys will be older and maybe we'll be less close.  Will Liam still want to sit on my lap with his green blanket and watch Elmo?    Will both my dogs still be with us?  Will I still have friends and family dropping by?

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, that post-holiday blues are common.  But this is day three of the tears and I know with all the blessings in my home, I have nothing to cry about.  Telling myself to be grateful (oh, I am, I am!), to enjoy the moments and feeling guilty for the tears running down my face is not helping.  Even the leftover cookies are not helping.  Hugs from the boys help and I will cling to them as long as they'll let me.  Because this too shall pass. 


  1. Oh, I'm sorry you have the blues. You can be grateful for what you have & still cry for what may not always be or what may change so don't feel guilty for that.

    Big Hug!

  2. Don't feel bad, this is a totally common thing. My son has it right now too, although he doesn't know how to express his emotions well enough to say that's what is going on. But it is to be expected. We build up and build up and build up and's all over? Just like that? Things will feel more normal next week when you get back into the normal routine of life. But in the meantime, hang in there. Give yourself a break and have a glass of wine or two. :) Oh wait...that's me...

  3. Sorry you are feeling blue. If it continues talk to your primary care doctor. I know lots of people are against medications but for alot of people they do work. Perhaps you also have a touch of seasonal depression? Have you been able to get outdoors at all during daylight hours? The holidays are lots of hype and they go very fast. Try to enjoy the present and try not to overly concern yourself with what next year will bring. Each year has its own highs and lows. Take care of yourself. If you need to vent to another adult email me!

  4. People don't always realize that the holidays are a major source of stress. It is perfectly normal for you to feel this way! I'm willing to bet, though, that Liam will be crawling in your lap for many years to come...My seven year old still tries, and he's just so darn heavy now that I have to push him off! I don't push the cuddles away, though...they are still pretty great! Don't worry about the blues, though...Things definitely change over time, but the things we miss are replaced with other wonderful times to add to our books of life with our kids! Hang in there! Hugs!

  5. Its normal to have some blues.. Thats why I always try to think of NEW years and make it a event.. (Balloons, lists of things I did last year and things I want to do next year) update my address book and enjoy the new calender I have and putting most of the friends b-day on them and dates I know for the first month.. (I dont plan very well) Also I have always made sure I had Egg Nog and crackers and cheese.. A big Tradition with us.. Maybe you and the boys can start one of your own too..

    I know change is hard and the kids will grow up and each age will have good things too.. Focus
    on making most of the age you have right now..
    I know you do and you are loving it and you are such a good mom.. You are allowed your moments come that they may! Love YOU!

  6. I hope by today you are feeling brighter :) Like the other ladies have said, each age will bring new adventures and traditions. Our Connor is still loving and cuddly at 14...

    I wish you a very happy and healthy new year with your boys. Lots of love from across the pond xx

  7. I'm right there with you Lara!! You captured exactly how I feel almost every single day. I think that's one more day passed that I have been able to spend with Tate. I also am having sleepless nights wishing I could stop time! I'm having a glass of wine and toasting to you and your gorgeous boys! Happy New Year!

  8. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Lara!
    I guess after such a high with all the preparations for this holiday, it is almost a given that you will feel the blues, and it is ok to feel this way. The expectations are so high about the kids being in awe, that you just want to freeze that moment in time. I hear you! You will share many more joyous moments to come.