Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for my second child. My pregnancy and delivery were difficult and fraught with danger. I cannot understand how he has come to be typically developing except to say that it is the grace of God. (And I don't throw those words around.) Liam went straight to the NICU after receiving an Apgar score of 2. I did not get to hold him until hours after he was delivered. Today Liam is strong and smart. He's also stubborn and sneaky. In short, he's a healthy two year old.
Recently there has been some discussion among members of the SMC organization as to whether we should intentionally have two children on our own. The discussion became so heated that the thread is closed to additional comments and the board is now moderated. I find it ironic that a handful of SMCs would be so judgmental of their peers who are either trying for a second or already have one. After all the organization has provided online support and camaraderie for a group of parents who are seeking a safe place to communicate--away from the judging general public. Now there are factions among us; single moms of one are turning against single moms of two (at least on the message board).
Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again: becoming a single mom by choice is not for everyone. Becoming a single mom for the second time is not for everyone who did it once. My life, my son's life and our entire family was enriched by Liam's birth. It was right (oh, so right) for us. It's not right for everyone. It's a difficult decision and it is further complicated by the ticking clock. Most SMCs waited a long time to have number one. Biologically, they simply cannot take five years to weigh the pros and cons of conceiving a second. Talk about pressure.
And that is precisely why I wish we would give each other a break. Moms need to support moms. We know how tough it is; we get it. Why are we still judging one another?