I'm pretty good at hiding these emotions from my sons. I did cry in the front seat of the car when "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" came on the radio Saturday. Santa Claus is making 20 fewer stops this year. Why are they still playing Christmas carols? Why are people still decorating cookies and trees? At least around here, few people seem as completely devastated as I feel.
Today when I picked Henry up at school, a parent pulled the door from the outside as Henry was pushing it to exit. I was right behind Henry and told the guy "you have to ring the bell". He just stared at me with incredulity then rushed past me to the gym. Like he couldn't be bothered to wait and who was I to tell him how to pick up his kid. A minute later I saw him leave with a 4th grader, so I know he was a dad--but seriously? If that can happen so easily and no one cares just 72 hours later.... I don't know...
I've only watched a total of 30-40 minutes of news coverage over the past few days. I read maybe 100 words online everyday. Just the bare minimum to stay informed. Still I can't shake these terrible feelings. At work and on radio, everyone is talking about the politics of gun control and financial impact of higher security for schools like it's just another issue that the right legislation or lawmaker can solve. As if the reports out of Connecticut are about high fuel prices or low standardized test scores. I don't get why it seems that I am the only one who wants to crawl in a hole and mourn the senseless loss of these children and their teachers.
Everyone grieves in their own way, I don't mean to be judgmental. I just look around and wonder as I watch people here going on with their lives as though Friday never happened. But it did happen. Things will never be the same. Isn't anyone else going to acknowledge that?