Months on the calendar. Weeks of planning. Days of preparing. And yet, our mother-son trip to the aquarium didn't happen. As usual, I thought I had it all figured out. Liam would stay at grandma's while I took Henry to the world famous aquatic museum. I researched the cost, the parking, the exhibits and the food court. I daydreamed about how much fun we would have and how excited Henry would be to see the creatures up close. He'd laugh as he watched the fish darting, swimming, and gliding serenely behind glass. I'd enjoy a carefree day with my oldest son as he discovered the wonder of ocean life.
Back in the real world of nothing-ever-turns-out-the-way-I-plan, Henry decided that he didn't like fish. He wanted to stay at Grandma's. I could tell by the tone and strength of his voice that there was no way I could cajole him into this outing. I certainly didn't want to waste $50 (or more) by taking him somewhere that he didn't want to be. Besides, how can I say "no grandma for you today" when we were stopping at her house to drop off Liam? That's clearly where he wanted to be and how he wanted to spend the day. Reframed, it's sweet. But I am not in a reframing mood.
In fact, I'm in a terrible mood. I complained my way through the day, said and did things I'm ashamed of. Nothing can cheer me up. During dinner Henry said, "We had fun at Grandma's". Just like that--out of the blue. Should make me smile, right? Nope, still just thinking about how this was the only fun day I planned for spring break and it didn't happen. While I was giving Liam a bath, Henry came up and kissed my arm. Just like that--out of the blue. Fifteen minutes later, I was yelling at him and his brother for not cooperating with the bedtime routine.
Not cooperating is an understatement. Actually, Liam was climbing my leg while simultaneously unrolling the toilet paper while I was trying to get hold of Henry who was balancing on one foot atop the toilet. Henry was fiercely refusing the application of a topical drops ($30 for 1 oz) to his severe underarm rash.
But still, I was really yelling. Screaming at a 13 month old...does it get any more shameful than that?
I knew enough to go in the other room for a few moments to collect myself. The rest of our nighttime routine went smoothly. I was able to make both boys smile and laugh before lights out. I hope they sleep well. I'm pretty sure I won't.
I hope today is a better day for you. Please don't be too hard on yourself; most mothers can relate to this post. We all have those days, its what makes us human. x
ReplyDeleteBeen there. :) It happens to all of us. We're human, and when you're handling it all by yourself, there's always more to it than just the moment where you lose it. The boys are resilient and they forgot about it as soon as it happened. Mommy should learn to do the same. :)
ReplyDeleteBummer, I know how badly you feel...and I think it's good that you realize you didn't mean or want to be that way with them. But we all have our moments! One thing I have taken away from all the reading I have done is that a mom is so important in a kid's life, and just like Barb said, they'll forget about it. (And they're boys, so I think they will especially forget about it.) What's important is that you love them and that you show them that as much ask you can, they'll always love you. Tomorrow is another day!!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself. We all have days like this, I've been there many times. I'm so sorry your day with Henry did not go as planned. Toddlers cannot be reasoned with and when they make up their mind there's no turning back. I know it stinks when "Grandma" seems more important but you know that the next time he's sick or has an owie it's you he'll come running to. You're a good Mommy. I'm not so sure I could do as good of a job as you are doing!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry the day didn't go as you'd planned and hoped. That's happened here a few times, too. I know how important those smiles and giggles are at bed time, especially after Mommy has had a less than award winning parenting day. Don't be too hard on yourself. Kids, why can't they just go along with the plan, right? :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry the day didn't work out as you had hoped. Don't beat yourself up. I am sure everyone of us has had days and moments with our children we wish we could "undo."
ReplyDeleteI am sure that when Henry remembers this day (before it fades into the clutter of so many other experiences) will be "We had fun at Grandma's." You did right by not forcing things.
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