Liam's birth in 2009 makes the year one that I will cherish. Although the past two weeks have brought difficult times, I cannot "throw the baby out with the bathwater" and say that I'm glad to see 2009 go. It will always be the year that my baby boy joined our little family. Nothing can overshadow that.
I am glad to see the holidays pass. The intensity of sadness and loneliness has overwhelmed me. Whether it is the residual effects of the flu, cummulative exhaustion, the impending (sooner-than-I-wanted) weaning of my ten month old or some other ailment, I am having a hard time of it.
Although I have suspected this for months, words and actions over Christmas showed me how little I, as an individual, matter to my extended family. It is a bitter pill to swallow and adds to the isolation I feel as an older SMC living in the suburbs. Maybe all moms must accept this obsolesence and invisibility. Hopefully those with partners do not have it quite as bad. I must face the facts and each moment, positively, for my children's sake. And, in all fairness, it must be added that both boys are well-loved by all their relatives.
Of course my children are my highest priority. They need so much more than I do and do not owe me a single thing. I must learn to keep them emotionally well-supported even when I feel abandoned and alone.
In 2010, I will need to help Henry face his own losses. As close friends move away, he will need comforting and understanding to face the situation. Liam will have his own growing pains, I'm sure, as he competes for toys and attention with his big brother. His new found mobility brings safety concerns as he tries to follow his brother's every move.
My job outside the home has become more complex and I am now responsible for a student teacher's learning experience in addition to that of my students. Lastly, I must become more disciplined with my budget and find ways to make my dollars stretch to cover our increasing costs. There's lots for me to concentrate on in the new year. I will be taking a few weeks off from blogging in order to tackle the beginning of 2010.
Hopefully, I'll return recharged and ready to share details as I prepare for the big February birthday parties! Meanwhile, I'll continue to add updated photos to my Flickr account on the sidebar. Sending you my sincere,
Best Wishes for the the New Year