Recently someone close to our family made a comment that stopped me in my tracks. I was speaking of another family and how I thought their children must be hurting and confused because they have had three fathers (one at a time) and now are practically raising themselves. I realize, I shouldn't have judged another mom and her family structure. I was wrong; it was an ugly, petty thing to do. So if the criticism had addressed that behavior, it would have found its mark.
However, after I made the remark, this person (TP) pointed to my children and said, complete with eye roll, "You should talk." Really? No, I shouldn't talk; I've addressed that. But that wasn't the message. It was an only slightly veiled criticism of my SMC-hood. What I heard was, you made a harmful decision bringing these children into the world without benefit of a traditional, permanent two parent family.
Understand that TP is not a casual observer outside our family. TP spends many hours interacting with my sons, watching them grow and enjoying their antics. The origin and current structure of the aforementioned family share no similarities with mine, so I must assume that TP was speaking about the common immorality of our parenting choices.
Apparently TP "loves the sinner but hates the sin". Words fail to express how much I dislike that saying. And not just when it is applied to me. It's pretentious and disingenuous. I'm not sure I want to be loved by people who use it to describe our relationship.
How does my choice to create a family represent a less moral choice than, say, a family created by a couple of twenty year old substance abusers receiving government assistance--just because they are married to each other? How does my mom/kid family get labeled a bad, harmful choice but a couple who divorces months after their baby is born and thus pass custody like a football, represent an acceptable way to raise a child?
I don't get it. Even if you explain it to me, I still won't understand.