I haven't read your post this week

I apologize.  I’m not sure why it was easier to keep up with my reading during the school year.  One would think that I’d have much more time now but I don’t.  The boys are awake from 6 am until 8 pm.  I encourage, cajole, bribe and threaten them after lunch but “quiet time” is often an exercise in futility.

I’m lucky if I can answer two emails and wash the lunch dishes before Round 2 begins.  Actually, at times, I do read a post or two but there’s never enough time to write a response.  Sometimes I refresh the computer after the boys go to bed and find a comment box that I opened at noon.  And those daily digests on SMC message boards I used to read faithfully?  I haven’t opened a single one since returning from our June vacation.

But the real reason I haven’t been attending to Blogger and WordPress is the seemingly unending family crises this July.

I rarely write about my parents.  They have their own lives.  They do not live together and neither one lives near me.  Both have had serious health issues this month.  Everyone’s aging parents have those, I know.  It’s just a lot harder to handle as an only child who has to be in two places at once.  There are no nearby relatives to help either one.  It falls on my shoulders.  You know, those shoulders that are trying to solely support two little kids and maintain their home?

But I’m not going to go on and on about being smack in the middle of the caretaking sandwich.  Every parent is a child and most of us realize that we will face conflicting demands on our time sooner or later.

No, this is about something even more difficult*  It’s about [...] as well as calling hotlines, ambulances and friends. 

Good friends who will answer a text or email with a late night visit and two cups of coffee in hand. 

As difficult as this month has been, I saw friends go out of their way to be there for me--day and night.  Okay, mostly night because that’s when I’d arrive home exhausted and worried.  But I’ve also emailed friends at 4 am, only to have them write back at 6 am, well before they’ve showered or made breakfast for their own children.  

I doubt I could explain the level of grief I feel, even to my closest friends.  No one has died.  No one is still hospitalized.  But with the naming of a diagnosis that was at once shocking and at the same time quite obviously true, I feel a great sense of   loss.  The past was not what I thought it was and the future is quite uncertain.  Watching a relative suffer is painful.  Watching them suffer and refuse treatment is excruciating.

Yet, I  continue to be grateful for my blessings.  I have two wonderful children-- even if they won’t nap on command.  I have amazing friends who treat me just like family.  Their support enables me to keep things close to normal for the boys even as I spend countless hours driving across two states.  Right now, making sure my sons are untouched by this turn of events is my priority.  But I promise to get back to those blogs as soon as I can.

  

*Note:  Some details deleted with respect for others privacy.