October 15, 2013

Sometimes I feel the cracks are beginning to show...


I used to be on time for everything.   Always early, actually.  And while I had plenty of patience for my tardy friends, I didn't quite understand why they and their children couldn't be on time for lunch or a movie.  Fast forward to my fourth year of being a work-outside-the-home-mother-of-two and we are late for everything.  Yes, the boys are older and are charged with more independent tasks.  Tasks that take time for little fingers (and eyes that don't want to leave the computer or toy that holds their interest so intently).  But more than that, I think my inability to meet daily deadlines is due to the fact that I am constantly multitasking while trying to accomplish "just one more thing" before we leave the house.  As you can imagine this often (read daily) leads to disaster.  Someone always ends up so frustrated by the hurried-ness of the moment that a tantrum ensues.  It's not always one of the children either.  Despite at least 45 minutes of advance preparations after the boys go to bed, our mornings are not pretty.

What else isn't working?  Work.  This year I have a dream classroom filled with 160 students throughout the day.  They are awesome kids.  The subject matter is interesting and lends itself to a myriad of activities and projects.  For the first time in over a decade, the school day flies by.  And therein lies the problem.  I cannot keep up with parent emails, grading, lesson planning and committee meetings.  There is a lot of behind-the-scenes work that needs to be done to run five 45 minute classes each day.  Every day I want to provide the best learning experience for each and every one of my students.  That takes A LOT of planning, resource searching and reflection.  I truly believe that if I didn't have children, I would (happily) stay at my desk until 6pm every evening.  That will never be, though, since my second shift starts promptly at 4 pm, twenty minutes away.  There are swim lessons and soccer practices to be (almost) on time for.  I do some work after the boys go to bed but I must also squeeze in the aforementioned prepping for the next day.  Grade papers or make lunches?  Assemble clean and complete school outfits or write lesson plans?  Read teachers' newsletters or write teacher's newsletters?

Everything is a priority and nothing more can be squeezed into my days.  My classroom webpage is in shambles, my oldest and dearest friends are very much neglected and my children are tired (oh, so tired) of being rushed through their days.

For added stress this week, I've had to scramble to cover an odd schedule.  Henry has 1.5 inservice days, Liam has a field trip and my daycare provider has an out-of -town funeral.  None of these days overlap or coincide with one of my days off.  Cue the complicated substitute plans and guilt.  Make that more guilt.

The cracks are beginning to show, the house of cards is about to crumble, we are running low on fuel....choose your metaphor.  I don't have time.  I've got to pack lunches, let the dogs out, check homework, fold laundry...











9 comments:

  1. I could have written this post -- yes, far too much for one person to do, I am late to everything, and I just fall farther and farther behind at work, on home maintenance projects, and in personal goals (LOL at that last one). I have been very seriously considering/pursuing a career transition out of research (consulting/govt work) and into teaching secondary science. But what you describe here is a major concern, that I would have to take work home every day... and I just don't see how that could work and how I could be happy with that. I've been wanting to post on my blog asking that exact question to the teachers who I know read it, but I also hesitate to be too open with these career plans because I have colleague-friends who read my blog and I don't want this to get back to my bosses. So thanks for reading my mind and confirming my fears...

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    1. Honestly, I can't recommend a teaching career one way or the other. It is what I was meant to do--I know that but the tangible rewards are few. Teaching students is only about 50% of the workload. The other 50% is comprised of meetings, grading, communicating with parents and more meetings. I do have a total of 13 weeks "vacation" but our state's pension program is almost bankrupt. It's unlikely there will be any retirement benefits whatsoever in 20 years. I wish I wanted to change careers--it would make financial sense, but for four hours each day, I'm really, really happy in my job.

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    2. Claire, I'd have to second Lara's description of the current state of teaching. Instead of teaching getting easier each year due to gaining more experience and perfecting one's "systems", it just gets harder because we're asked to do so much more each year (in the name of accountability!) with less, be it less support, less funding, less personnel, fewer resources. I've been teaching middle school language arts for 19 years now, and this year is the absolute hardest it's ever been. I am honestly not sure how I'm pulling it off, yet somehow it all gets done and somehow I am still getting good reviews from my administration and fellow teachers. I think I have them all fooled, really, because things just feel like they're falling apart. I definitely could have written Lara's post as well. But like Lara, I still love it, most days, anyway. I work with the greatest staff in the world, which really does seem to make all the difference. And I have some pretty fabulous students, as well! Like every year there are a few stinkers, but that makes the progress that much sweeter. :) Hugs to you, Lara, and every other teacher out there too!

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  2. PS, Fiona was 10 minutes late to her 30 minute swimming lesson today. Sigh...

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  3. Finding the balance between work and home is never easy, never mind when you have to balance everything without the help of a partner. Sending you a big hug. xo

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  4. It sounds you're spread thin & the light seems very far down that tunnel. Those are the 2 metaphors that came to my mind as I read. I say hang in there but doesn't seem very helpful.

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  5. So give you credit my dear! You so amaze me for one who sees people who have no kids struggle with so much less to be on time. But I guess its like comparing apples and oranges. Cant walk in someone else s shoes anyways. But I do know you inspire me and just know I am pulling for ya and you have my prayers!
    Big Hugs!

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  6. Sorry to hear you are feeling a little overwhelmed. I hope you get a small break sometime soon! In the meantime, maybe more paper plates and pizza delivery?

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  7. As you know, I'm struggling with balance, too, and I just have one right now, and he's not involved in activities.

    My new theme song is from Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming!"

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