It's All Good

That's how I feel about the past few weeks as I view them in the rearview mirror.  It took three more stay-at-home, don't even think about going out days to arrive, enlightened, at this point.   Schools were closed due to an arctic blast of cold so we stayed home for 72 hours.  I wasn't even sure my car would start when we finally ventured out Friday afternoon.  It did and I was surprised at how relaxed and dare I say it, content, I was after spending so much time alone in a small house with two boys who do nothing little.

I find cabin fever to be a very uncomfortable feeling.  I wasn't gleeful about going back to work after two weeks of holiday "break" but I was glad to return to a world of adults, schedules and students. Even Henry and Liam seemed to welcome the school routine back into their lives.  Then the call came (three days in a row) that schools were closed and we were to stay home. Luckily I had stocked up at the grocery store on Monday.  We had plenty of provisions.  (Who am I kidding, as long as we have coffee and flavored creamer, I don't care what else is in the pantry during a winter storm.  The boys can always have Cheerios for dinner.)

Knitted this scarf just in time for the cold snap!

As one day stretched into another, I wondered why I wasn't feeling the despondency of a week or two earlier.  It was still cold, dark and I had no one to talk to.  I spent hour after hour doing laundry, dishes and vacuuming crumbs from well, everywhere.   But I wasn't blue as I had been during the holidays when I was doing those very same things.  And that's the difference:  the holidays have gone and taken with them their huge expectations and disappointments.

On a cold day in January, I don't expect a gift under the tree or a mug of hot cocoa brought to me as I relax in front of a fire.  I'm not missing absent words of gratitude for the months of shopping and discerning just the right present. There's no more resentment that my relatives don't materialize around the dinner table like a Norman Rockwell cover family.  It's January and I'm perfectly content doting on my own two children on my own.

Since there's nothing special about January, I feel nothing is missing.

My goal is to remember this lesson and eliminate as many holiday expectations I can next December.  One batch of cookies from scratch, the rest storebought.  Many, many meals via carryout, catering and cartons.  And gifts?  Well, the boys will be six and eight.  They'll still want stuff I don't want them to have.  Probably hamsters, Minecraft and iPads again.  I'll attempt to do better meeting them, and their lists, in the middle.

I've got a whole year to make this plan work.  And if it doesn't?  I'll try not to feel so blue in late December.  I'll remember that January is right around the corner.