Mothering by Choice

Back when my friends were planning college and careers, I wanted a family.  Long before I graduated in my cap and gown, I dreamed of a house full of children.  (Ironically, those who thoroughly enjoyed single life in their twenties still became mothers before me.)

Despite the fact that I always wanted to be a mother, I quickly found that I was not very good at it.  Faced with the daunting task of parenting, many women reach back to the example of their own mothers in action.  They replay scenes from their childhood like YouTube tutorials in order to solve mothering dilemmas.  Sadly, I discovered that my playlist was empty.  So for five years I've been making up this mommy stuff all on my own.

Of course I've read a lot of books and observed how my peers parent but that's not quite the same as having learned from experience.   I'll tell you right now it's very hard to give away something having never received it in the first place.

That's where choice comes in. 

Not the kind of choice in SMC.  Yes, I'm a Single Mother by Choice.  It was an important decision--not a quick one but certainly not a difficult one.  I am referring to the daily choice I make to try to be who my children need me to be.  Many mornings I do not feel like starting the endless chores that come with being the one and only head-of-household.  The requests, complaints,  tears and tantrums begin at 5:45 am and end approximately one hour after official "lights out".  (Show me children who stop calling out as soon as you tell them goodnight and I'll show you a well-soundproofed room.)

Being a single mom is difficult even if you have a "village" to offer respite.  Being a mom of two young, rambunctious boys without so much as a cul de sac of support is a  formidable challenge.  Often I am too tired and overwhelmed to deal with the aforementioned requests, complaints, tears and tantrums.   But what choice is there?

Several, actually.

One can choose to simply be a legal guardian, providing food and shelter to offspring.  One can choose freedom over family.  Self-preservation over sacrifice.  One can choose to go through the motions while desperately wishing to be elsewhere.  One can count the days, weeks, years until a child is old enough to fend for herself.  In reality, there are lots of choices a parent can make. 

When I am overwhelmed by my responsibilities, it helps to remember that I can choose to act like a good mother.  Just for that one moment I can choose mothering even though I want to lock myself in the bathroom or hide under a pile of unfolded laundry.  I can choose to look into my child's eyes and give him a hug even though he's been a terror.  I can watch Curious George with my sons during an 11 pm thunderstorm even though I haven't had a millisecond to myself since dawn. 

It is a conscious choice to access reserves of strength during a mothering marathon.  Somehow, knowing the choice is mine to make helps me get through the challenging times.

I first came across this on Pinterest and although I took my inspiration from the first seven words, the rest is quite meaningful as well.  Come to think of it, it's been more helpful than YouTube.