It was an awful, ugly tantrum. The tears came ten minutes later.
I feel like I've lost my edge and forgotten how to be a working, single mom with two kids in different schools. Making lunches and dinners, maintaining the house, grocery shopping, doing laundry, paying bills while trying to give my children some quality time was difficult enough in the summer but now I'm going back to a forty hour work week (and hours of commuting). I'm not sure how this is all going to play out.
I also received a cryptic message on my answering machine that makes me think there may be some type of family crisis brewing. I won't know until I call back tomorrow morning (you know, while I drive to school for the first time--as if I won't be stressed enough).
So with nerves this jangled it's no wonder I yelled at my children. Not excusable by any means. Just not surprising. These are the difficult, lonely times of being an SMC. I've gotten through this before and I will again. It doesn't feel that way but I know I will.
I'm not good at being 'present in the moment' but that's what I'll have to do for the next few days (maybe even weeks). When I come upon my children being children, what am I really upset about? Legos and bedtimes missed by ten minutes or the ways I'm being pulled in every direction at once--trying to look like I have everyone's needs covered when in reality I just want to hide in a dark room?
Hiding won't help with the morning rush so I'm off to prepare for it. I'm sure things will look a little better then--evening is the worst time to